Hangover Contemplations

Life lessons from this weekend:

1. If a man basically shotguns a pint of Crown, 2 Monsters and then proceeds to take 10+ hits of fake bake...he will hit a blackout phase. When he hits this phase, he will be a living (yet very confused) wrecking ball. Just ask the bedroom door.

2. If you are trying to have a semi quite house party, do not let people climb drunk into the nearest tree (which happens to overhang the pool). The limb will snap and they will go falling into the pool while still holding onto the tree limb. Large amounts of screaming will ensue.

3. I can go from drunk to sober in .02 seconds when a drunk man comes hurtling into the room I am in, losing his balance immediately and breaking a glass and the door, then having 2 friends go into panic attacks due to the commotion.

4. When 4 women, all ranging in levels of drunkenness, are huddled together on a mattress laying on the floor (2 of which are recovering from panic attacks) you will look like refugees. This will send you subconsciously into survivor mode and you will start to terrify the people that are not huddled in your group.

5. When your friend says that she, "Is so drunk that everyone sounds like they are talking in slow motion", the correct thing to say back to her is not "Ohhhhh liikkee thiiiiisssss?" She will trip out and start screaming.

6. It is very odd to wake up to 3 people sitting around you pounding back jello shots while the rest of the room chants them on with "Jell-o-shots. Jell-o-shots."

7. It is even more odd to wake up to a guy leaning over you, holding a cigarette to your lips and gently saying "....inhale....".

8. For the first time in years after a night of drinking, I have not felt the need to immediately shower and wash the shame off me. I don't know if I feel proud, or that I should have stepped up more.

9. You aren't sure if your friends always asking you to shake up the alcoholic whip cream because you "Make that motion so much better than they do" is a crack about your lifestyle or a compliment at your technique.

10. It is hilarious when you wake up the next morning to see that your best friend has drunk texted herself from your phone to remind sober her of a couple of things and also taken the time to make sure you don't get confused and think you blackout texted her.
" Apologize in the morning you groping idiot!!! Ps youre drunk and might be excused
Oh and youre phone and pants should be together. Drink poweraide. Love drunk Ginna. Remind Sarah you did this." (Word for word text message)

11. It is probably a bad thing when after your friend passes their breathalyzer test, your first thought is "YES... celebratory shots!!!!"

12. Making a drinking game out of "The People Vs. Larry Flynt" is a bad idea. If you have to drink every time you see partially to fully naked women you will get drunk quick.

13. When you are with good friends, no matter what drama might momentarily arise, there is always going to be a ton of laughter and more good memories than bad. Spastic giggles are contagious, as are good and bad moods and sometimes the best thing to do at 6am is to curl up and go to sleep.