1 reason I made this blog...and stripper envy.

So yes I have a facebook. But due to my friends list there are a few notes/blogs I cant post or there would be a multitude of pissed off and hurt people. I'm not a perfect person, yes, people piss me off immensely, friends included. The latest of which being a stripper friend named Sadie.

My nerves have been worn extremely thin with her anyway considering a few previous stunts shes pulled. But even without that I am pretty upset over last night. It was her first time dancing in Hustler. She made $1000. Let me explain....
Normally I would be thrilled if one of my girls made that at a place like Hustler. But Sadie doesn't want to do it. She doesn't want to be a stripper, I'm not 100% sure if she thinks of it as degrading now or beneath her specifically or what. But the only way she really does it now is at home as a work out or teaching other people to work out. Which is fine...but she changed. She used to be more like me all about being seen on stage, knowing everyone is watching you and in some way wanting you and will pay you even though they know they will never get you. It's fucking empowering as hell...I physically cant dance right now due to a car wreck busting my knee because of not being able to dance I have lowered strength and gaining weight I just don't need to be up there for awhile. Plus with the tech job I currently have I could work 1 day a week maybe 2 tops and it would have to be every week...And I'm craving it. I miss being up there so much, I miss having my body in shape and being able to move perfectly to the songs I love. And yet here is my friend who doesn't even wanna be up there, waking me up at 6am to wave a stack of bills in my face. That's a little shitty to me...and it pissed me off pretty bad. I'm sure it's selfish of me but I can't help it.
So there's my immature post of the month. Enjoy.

Five Finger Death Punch Contest Entry.

So today I entered a contest to win a signed Five Finger Death Punch guitar. The basic idea being you name the 5FDP song that fits you or your life the most, then write out why.
Here is my submission:

The 5FDP song that fits me the most is Ashes. Any relationship I build, be it romantic or a friendship dissolves or is damaged beyond repair in front of me. So many things I've had or wanted in life have been simply ripped away, usually from my own doing. When I look back that's how it seems, like I just leave a trail of ashes. Anything I touch I find someway to burn it and destroy it, intentional or not. I want to stop it, but I don't know how. The verses Ivan Moody sings in this song describe me at my most destructive state, the horrid temperament, self destructive, sharp tongue, corrupt, a jinx/curse on so many aspects of my own life and others...and yet just like he describes there is a side of me that is more than comfortable with it. Part of me regrets nothing because I've still managed to survive. I'm drawn to the destruction and chaos that I can so easily create. I look back at the ashes I've left and while part of me feels the empty sadness of loss, part of me still smiles.

So many of their songs fit me partially, like one verse will completely stand out to me to where the connection between it and my life are like a slap in the face. But Ashes was the top pick as every lyric fits my life as a whole...not just the relationship from hell I found myself thrown out of recently.

Here is the song I entered...

The other one I was tempted to use as an entry was The Bleeding. Even though I link it back to my ex and the song is extremely fitting in that aspect, it does have another meaning. The Bleeding is the reason I love 5FDP. I remember exactly where I was when I first heard them.

It was 2008, I was at my friends Heather and Randall's house, I was still a little torn up from a bad breakup and we were having another poker/vodka night. I was sitting down at the dining room table drinking a Smirnoff Raw Tea (my favorite alcohol ever made and sadly no longer in production). I remember I loved Ivan Moody's voice, and the words seemed like a perfect mixture of anger and sadness. I walked over to the walk-through and slid down the wall into a sitting position on the floor and listened to the rest of the song, drinking my raw tea. I've been hooked ever since.

This is the story I tell people when they ask me why in the hell I'm getting the 5FDP knuckles. Its simple. It is very rare for me to remember the exact moment I heard a song. I remember the exact time when I saw "War Is The Answer" in stores. They are my favorite band and I believe they have more than earned that spot. \

Seeing them live only made it better. They love the knuckleheads. They take the time to meet them and hang out with them. Ivan Moody even walks through the crowd at some shows to meet and greet away from the merch booth. It's rare to even see a meet and greet anymore unless for VIP or won through a contest.

Anyway I have rambled enough. Here is a pic to end the blog. The pic that made my ex beyond insanely jealous.

Life Soundtrack June 2011

So back when I was about 15 till I was 17 me and my friends would make life soundtracks (the start being some random chain bulletin on Myspace). Just a list of 15-20 songs that fit us or our life at the current moment. These would usually get updated every 4 months or so. I realized today how long it's been since I made one of these so I figured I would type it up and maybe one day have it as a reference for a future burn CD list. I used to have so many CDs of these soundtracks, then one day my binder was tragically lost or stolen. Yes I cried.

Here is my current one:

1. Bouncing Off the Walls - Sugarcult
2. Baby Doll Gone Wrong - Skye Sweetnam
3. Pretty Girl - Sugarcult
4. Work - Jimmy Eat World
5 . Guinevere - Eli Young Band
6. Nothing Left to Lose - The Pretty Reckless
7. Prelude 12/21 - AFI
8. When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down
9. Passive - A Perfect Circle
10. Snuff - Slipknot
11. Devils Own - Five Finger Death Punch
12. Needles -Seether
13. Save Me- Unwritten Law
14. Ashes - Five Finger Death Punch
15. Leave a Scar - Marilyn Manson
16. Break - Three Days Grace
17. Made of Scars - Stone Sour
18. Innocence - Halestorm
19. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
20. All American Nightmare - Hinder

The most personal thing I'm willing to share

You always get asked that question sooner or later on most sites. If its not by the site itself, it will inevitably be by some visitor glancing around your page. I would like to go ahead and get that out of the way in my first blog. Now you could expect me to say something like "I'm fucked up" or "I've been hurt" I think we all have so it's really more obvious than personal to admit to those statements.
I don't even have a statement now that I think about it.

Instead I have a picture and a video link (providing they work) to show you a reference to the most personal part of my life. I dont feel like going into the details of what I went through. I dont mind the references though.

I figured enough mental and emotional scars were left...why not put one out there for the world to see.

My newest and most personal tattoo I have or ever plan to get. A lovely reminder for me in so many ways.

Now here is the song behind it.

Snuff - Slipknot.

Well I guess I've written my first blog for this site...and gotten the inevitable question out of the way. So where do I go from here? I think I'll go back to work for now and see when the need to write slaps me upside the head again. They wont all be this dark/gloomy I promise. :)

- Tattooedmusic89